Repost from the old blog. This actually happened last year…
There’s a home school used book sale coming up the first weekend in May. It’s up in Atlanta and you can sell your used books as well as buy some. I’ve been getting them ready this week and found a few more that needed to be added to the list.
The boys were reluctantly helping me sort them by letter so I could mark off the ones that have been uploaded and know which ones still need to be done. There are 27 piles of books on my bed and in rows on the floor. (27th pile for the books that start with numbers) The boys pick up a pile, read the titles and if they’re not on the spreadsheet, I add them.
Me – “What’s the next book?”
Brinson – “Cockroach!”
Me – “What?! Are you serious??”
Brinson – “Yes! BIG Cockroach”
Me – “TOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!”
Tom from the other room (and a little startled) – “What?!”
Me – “COCKROACH!!”
Tom comes back to the room where we are – “You have got to stop screaming like that…”
Me – “It’s a cockroach.”
Tom – “You don’t have to yell.”
Me – “It’s a cockroach!”
Tom – “Honey, I know but….”
Me – ”It’s a COCKROACH!”
Tom – *sigh* “Where?”
Me – “I don’t know. Ask Brinson.”
Brinson shows him about where it was and it’s, of course, no where to be seen. My right thumb has now begun to swell. (For some unknown reason, and because bizarre things always happen to me, whenever I’m stressed I break out in hives. When I’m real real real stressed, I get a hive on the pad of my right thumb…)
Me – “Tom, seriously… My thumb is swelling…”
Tom gives me a look like ‘Really?’ and leaves the room. The kids and I go back to the books. Tom is *clearly* SO over the whole cockroach fiasco. With the events of the last few days, I don’t blame him – but it’s not like I can help it…
Me – “Okay, what about letter P?”
Harrison – “I’m not sure…” He’s scanning the room as we talk, clearly concerned about the roaming cockroach.
Me – “Harrison, get the pile that starts with P…”
He’s still looking around and says “Mom. I …”
Me – “Harrison, just get the books with the letter P”
Harrison – “MOM!”
Me – “What? If you can’t find them, just say so…”
Harrison – “No… Mom… There’s a cockroach on your bed.”
I throw my tablet and all three of us run from the room into the Living Room. We sounded like a heard of elephants. I jumped up on a chair.
Me – “Tooooommm!” (This was a whine…)
Tom – “Now what is it?”
Me – “The cockroach is on the BED!”
Tom sees us all in the Living Room and says “Are you all a bunch of women??”
I throw my hands up in the air “I am!”
We all slowly follow Tom back to the room. He’s looking everywhere, and clearly frustrated “I do not see it. And I no longer have a flashlight…” (I’ve slept with it the last few nights… Well, I haven’t slept much, but I’ve had it with me the last few nights…)
I get the flashlight, walk over to where he is and hand it to him. “It’s not my fault. I can’t help it. Let a cockroach crawl across your face and see how you like it.”
Harrison – “Mom.”
Me – “What? It did. Seriously… A cockroach crawled across my face in the middle of the night… and look at my thumb!”
Harrison – “No… It’s not that…”
Me – “What then?”
Harrison – “The roach.”
Me – “Yeah?”
Harrison – “It’s by your foot.”
Me – “Harrison, I’m all about playing jokes and all, but now is not the time.”
Harrison – “No, Mom. It’s SERIOUSLY right by your foot”
I’m now running out of the room and Tom’s going “WHERE??? Where is this cockroach? I haven’t seen it at all!!”
Harrison – “It went under the drawers…”
Tom – “You mean dresser?”
Harrison – “Yes.”
Tom searching under the dresser with the flashlight… “Where? I don’t see it.”
Me – “Tom! He said it was under the dresser. It’s under the dresser!”
Tom – “Okay, you know what? I am NOT Superman. I cannot see through the dresser!”
Me – “Well apparently you’re kryptonite because they’re never around when you are!”
I have seriously considered a few things.
1) The tormentor is purposely sending these evil beasts to torture me.
2) This is a sign from the powers to be that it’s time for me to move.
3) My house is in dire need of an exorcism.
I just went back there again to see the status of “Man vs Cockroach”. Here’s how things stand… Tom’s in the bathroom. The cockroach is on the bed reading “To Kill A Mockingbird” while playing on my tablet and my thumb is going to pop open if the swelling doesn’t stop soon…
I’m seriously considering letting them have the house. I’ll go live in a bubble…